Deuteronomy 25:11-12, Keep your man-parts out of harm’s way, Part I of III

If two Israelite men get into a fight and the wife of one tries to rescue her husband by grabbing the testicles of the other man, you must cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

//This may seem like a strange law, but it’s actually a very important deterrent. Deuteronomy 23:1 explains that if a man’s testicles are crushed, he is no longer admitted to the assembly of the LORD. Nor, adds Leviticus 21:20, may any man with such a defect approach God with a food offering.

It appears manliness is next to Godliness, and it won’t do to have women running around grabbing at stuff. Damaged man-organs rank up there on God’s list of abominations with hunchbacks, dwarves, illegitimate births, and missing eyes. In God’s world, testes are important even on animals; Leviticus 22:24 cautions against offering an animal with damaged testicles as a sacrifice.

However, it may not pay to become too richly endowed, either. Such men may prove too much of a temptation for Godly women, according to Ezekiel, chapter 23 … in language I dare not repeat here.

More on this tomorrow, on a more serious note, but for today, guys, the best advice might be to keep your jeans on.